I muse about my not so perfect life

courtesy of rexnavearette 5. There's never a Weight Watchers recipe for any of it, imagine "Pork Adobo Light with now only HALF the chest pains!"...husky and sexy forever then! 4. Because hungry Pilipinos in the Philippines probably need it more than you do here. Air cargo an entire meal to the province through SBC Packers! 3. You'll look like the President of the Philippines, Joseph "Erap" Estrada, who is personally responsible for the disappearances of entire hog farms. Even Muslims there can't be around him with all the pork rind crumbs on his shirt. 2. You're still trying to finish off the other Pilipino food you were forced to "take home" from that baptism, shower, despedida thingy from two weeks ago. The pansit is becoming penicillin. 1. If you don't eat your bowl of dinaguan (porkblood stew) within the day it was made, it turns into a big black blood clot. "Mmmmm.....pudding!"

7:55 am, and i only got 3 hours of 'not-so-good-sleep' after banging myself till the wee hours of the mrnin, and yet, im still in the satge of hyperactivity, i ll let the day pass and spent the xmas eve sleeping the whole day. what is about the xmas that people claims to be the happiest day o fthe year? i find it superficial to place and serve round fruits that signifies the next years promise of prosperity(enough about the fruit bureacracy, we only serve fruits during the hlidays and damn, some of them are made of plastics)when people living in the makeshift homes are busy thinking about thier meals for the next day. or how about the gift giving schemes, which, for me, only appeals to those materialistic appetites whitin us. did we stop for a while and think about the whereabouts oif the trees cut down and wrapped in our uber expensive gifts? sure we do have recycled paper but i doubt in this society we have, where culture of austerity is not popular, using a recycled shit i

I gear towards the moon the ecsatic solitudethat exudes from the night's gentleness refuse to comfort my deepest apprehension bout the lifelong battle of a gruelling thought that starts to linger beneath my whole existence flyin in the open midst of the lust and the neverending journeyof my life's exploration of my sexuality... the complete ignoranceof life's purpose continue to flourish at the back of my consciousnessand the indian summer slowly unfoldingin front of my peripheral vision a sui generis image was created a similar to my routine i religiously follow every morning a clearer view of a boy touching his and experimenting a self gratification....

hayop ang araw ko!!! nakakbwisit talaga. bago ako umalis ng bahay, tinapos ko nang i type ang letters para maifax na na namin sa mga offices kung saan ay nag invite kame ng mga speakers. di ko alam, pag sinusumpong ka ng kamalasan, di nagopen ang document ko sa computer shop dito sa school. wala na kase kameng cartridge sa printer namin, kaya nagtiatyaga ako sa papiso-pisong printing services ng aming eskwelahan. at eto na nga ayaw nang magopen ng document ko. di ko maalala ang mag nailagay ko kanina, at nagkataong wala akong maisip, kinonsumo ko na lang ang oras na inarkila ko sa pc rental at nagiisip kung paano ko isusulat ang karanasan kong mabagsik ngayong araw. gusto kong umiyak!!wala akong magawa. nakakinis talaga. sana napadala na namin. susuntukin ko na tong monitor na to, nakakgulat bakit dito ayaw mag open sa amin, wala namng problema. ayy naku, buhay nga naman. sino ba nag may kasalanan? ang diskette ko o ang pc? ewan, sana may pambili na ako ng cartridge.

3 hours!! whopping 3 hours!! thats how long i invested in modifying my blog's template. i started as early as 3 oclock pm, right after i satisfied my "survivor" craving and i ended up glued still in front of my monitor till 6 pm. then i returned by 9 pm and finished everything, from tiniest specs to the largest deatil. but in a way, its all worth wasting my time, whereas i can even consumed the hours i spent in my lousy blog doing some readings for our social theory class. or maybe finalizing the draft in our forum by next week( our professor is being hard on us, he's too impossible for not so feasible speaker). yesterday i felt busted. my fantasies crumbles when i heard that we still need to work it out and see if we click. the whole day, i felt totally depressed. good thing i got myself a scoop of ice cream (courtesy of my kind sis) and helped me pacify my existence. other topic.... i just discovered a new song. well its not new after all. my friend asked me

inayawan ko talaga ang pagpunta sa recto.ung di lang talaga sa ms office, na di ko mabili sa mall(kasehoda ba namang pirated e), e di ako pupunta sa recto. whew, para akong mamamatay, sa tragal ng pagtakbo ng sasakyan, sa usok sa tambutso, sa mga naglalakarang tao. nakakpagod tignan,nasa harap ko ang bag ko, nakakatakot, baka malaslasan ako sabagay wala namang silang mahahagap mula sa akin, pero para safe na rin. naipangako na di na ako pupunta ng recto mula ngayon. sinumpa ko na talaga ang lugar n ayan!!

walang pasok!!kahapon pa ako nagdadasal na walang pasok sa school. di naman dahil sa tinatamad akong pumasok, pero one thing, dahil masarap lang yung matulog nang nakakumot at lumasap ng mainit na sabaw ng sopas tapos nakadungaw ka lang sa may bintana ng kwarto mo. diba, ang sarap ng pakiramdam. isa yun sa mga dahilan ko, pero sabihin na antin na sinumpong ako ng aking katam. last week, nakapagreview ako para sa recitation namin sa poll sci sub namin, e nabwisit ako at ang ginawa lang ng prof namin e pinagdebate kami kesyo madumi ba ang politika ng pilipinas. e ewan, medyo tinamad ako dahil mas extensive pa yung nabasa ko kesa sa proposition niya. saka passe na yung topic na yun. one thing more, di na naman papasok yung prof namin sa cooperative sub namin. e last time nyang pumasok nung first time nyang pumasok. magulo no? pero tamad talaga sya. pinagagawa na kame kaagad ng written report sa community coopeartives sa mga bayan at mind you, 3 months naming oobserbahan. whew, ewan kung a

nov. 30th ng 1997, lingo, di ko masyado maalala ang mga ekstaktong detalye ng mga kaganapan nung araw na yun, basta naalala ko, alas-tres ng hapon at naka flash sa tv monitor ang 3 ocklock habit sa channel 2. basta, medyo gloomy ang sorrounding at parang may gustong sabihin na mensahe. dec 1, kinabukasan, pagkagaling ko ng eskwelahan, naabutan kong lumuluha si mama. kasaama nya ang pinsan ko, parehas silang nakaupo sa balkonahe. madyo nagulihan ako, di ko alam kung bakit ganun ang naabutan ko. tinanaong ko si mama kung bakit. merong kung anong pakiramdam ang nararamdaman ko, di ko alam kung ano, basta, ang alam ko, medyo kinakabahan ako at di ako mapaakali. 'anak, wag kang mabibigla" medyo paungos pang sabi ni mama. nakatingin sa akin si kuya ronel, ang nakatatanda kong pinsan. sandali lang ang tingin nya, at binawi nya ng mabilis ang pagkakatitig sa akin. parang inabot ng habambuhay ang paghihintay ko sa sasabihin ni mama. 'anak, patay na si inay" sabay hagulgul.